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Oh, you’re popular on facebook? That’s cool. I mean, these days it’s easy to have 1,500 friends that you’ve never met before.

Facebook is obviously from California because it says “Like” so many times.

Life without music is like Facebook without notifications.

You should have two Facebook accounts. One for each face.

I don’t always have a cool facebook status. But when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.

The Poke option is okay, but when is Facebook going to come out with a Punch option?

You know you’re broke when: 1. the Dollar Store is too expensive. 2. You literally don’t have two-cents to rub together. 3. You play Farmville for a vacation.

Facebook should expand their relationship status field to include: One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits and Do it Yourself.

If she has 500 likes & 500 comments on a picture, what’s missing? Her clothes.

Facebook should have a button that says “in a flirtationship” because it seems like thats all there ever is anymore.

Facebook is like the fridge you keep checking it but there’s nothing good.

Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary.

Tell a therapist, not Facebook.

I thought you were good looking, until I clicked “view more pictures”.

The weekends forecast… 100% chance of being drunk with a slight chance of making an ass out of myself.

You know you had fun when you can’t tell your parents what you did.

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

Hearing a noise when you’re home alone and just accepting the fact that it’s time to kick some ass.

Facebook is like relationships. Faithful on your walls but cheating in your inbox.