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Funny Quotes

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

funny insults
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.

funny relatable
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

funny
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die

marriage funny johnny carson
Beer doesn't make you FAT it makes you LEAN...Against walls, tables, chairs, floors, and ugly people.

funny
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

funny life
The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.

funny advice
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

funny
You know you're broke when: 1. the Dollar Store is too expensive. 2. You literally don't have two-cents to rub together. 3. You play Farmville for a vacation.

funny
The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream are offset by the positive effects of diet soda.

funny


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