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Funny Quotes

Some people are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

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A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

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If a guy tells you that you drive him crazy, you are either doing something really right, or terribly wrong.

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Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

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I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

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Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

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When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.

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Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you will be disconnected.

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If Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars went out and broke up, there would be some great relationship songs made.

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