I Can Relate
Men and Women
If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome
They call sarcasm the lowest form of wit, but at least it’s still a form of wit.
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
I’m not anti-social, I just don’t like you.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
With great power, comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
Life asked Death. "Why do people love me but hate you?" Death responded, "Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth."
Sometimes, we just have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we have to, but because it's the right thing to do.
If you hear people from my past speak of me, keep in mind they are speaking of a person they don't even know anymore.
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