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I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious.

I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious.
More From: Funny

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
More From: Funny

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Do not trust atoms, they make up everything

Do not trust atoms, they make up everything
More From: Funny

How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso

How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso
More From: Funny

It would be so incredible if I could read minds, but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.

It would be so incredible if I could read minds, but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
More From: Funny

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Teacher: How can we keep our school clean? Student: By staying at home.

Teacher: How can we keep our school clean? Student: By staying at home.
More From: Teenagers

I'm a very nice person, but for you I'll make an exception.

I'm a very nice person, but for you I'll make an exception.
More From: Funny

I didn't fall, the floor looked like it needed a hug.

I didn't fall, the floor looked like it needed a hug.
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It's bad manners to say 'I love you' with a mouth full of lies.

It's bad manners to say 'I love you' with a mouth full of lies.
More From: Funny

I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right.

I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right.
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At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end. - Christine Mason Miller

At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end. - Christine Mason Miller

I try to avoid things that make me fat... Like scales, mirrors and photographs.

I try to avoid things that make me fat... Like scales, mirrors and photographs.

21 Funny Parenting Quotes

21 Funny Parenting Quotes

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